He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
