when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
