I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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