Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
