dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
