we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
