I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
