Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
