sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
