i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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