This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize