he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
