Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
