i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize