Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
