that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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