I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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