a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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