I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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