Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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