I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
