I am spending my child support on dildos
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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