Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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