i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
