I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
