yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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