and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
