I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
