I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
