Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
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