All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
