dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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