i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Randomize
