He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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