I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize