yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
