Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
