P.S. I can't hear my feet
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
