why didn't you poke me back
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
