someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
