just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
