walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
