im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize