her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
