After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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