i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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