his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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