Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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