Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
