i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
worst night to have a conscience
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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