I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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