just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
