3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
