Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
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