if i can run in heels then i can drive
wanna go halves on a baby?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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