Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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