Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
