Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
