there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
