got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
