for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I cut my penus on the lid.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
