she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
