She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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