There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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