i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
