you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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