I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
