I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
