Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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