Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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