Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
