I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
