Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize