I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
