I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
