i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
