i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
