Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
