why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
