That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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