I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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