R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
