Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize