I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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