my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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