If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
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