i would punch a child for taco bell
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
