my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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