She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
