Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
