doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
