So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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