And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
