Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
