who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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