I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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