scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
