in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He passed out mid-signature
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
