im about as happy as oj after his trial
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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