I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
