What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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