good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
