All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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